Instagram Qtiyapa – Instagrameen Rozgaar Yojna ft. Mithila Palkar, Dulquer Salmaan

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Instagram Qtiyapa - Instagrameen Rozgaar Yojna ft. Mithila Palkar, Dulquer Salmaan

Yes, Kanye bro.
It'll all be done. Listen, please inform Jay Z bro to tell
sister-in-law Beyonce to get her loan from the
Instagrameen bank approved. Okay… All right…
Give my respect to dear North.

And lots of love to sister-in-law Kim.
All right, brother. So, Viral Kumar, we gave you a loan
of 50k followers. Did anything go viral? Not at all, sir. I worked out for six months
and uploaded a pic of my six-pack, I even took a selfie
with my gluten-free protein shake.

Still, nothing went viral. Hmmm, did you try cute pets? Yes, sir.
I posted a picture of my cat. I even tried the 'puppy' filter on it,
but still nothing. Do one thing- load your bag with a DSLR
and your mobile with roadtrip music, Then get going with wanderlusting.

– Mr. Sinha.
– Yes sir. Dear, tell him the destination,
not the playlist. Ok.

You can go to Corsica, Costa Rica, Kodaikanal
or anywhere else. Go now, next! Hello, sir. Good morning.
Neha this side! I want to be an Infiltrator on Insta. – Infiltrator?
– No.

That blue tick thingy? Infrastructure… Sorry, sorry. Influenza. – Influencer?
– Sir, that's what she said.

Yeah! That's what I wanna be. Look, you maybe a wannabe,
we are not denying. But that's not enough for a blue tick. See mam, under the 'Prime Servant
Instagrameen employment scheme' a loan of 25 lakh followers can be allotted; but only to the needy
and talentless youth.

We can't just give it to anybody. Sir, I'm not any Tom, Dick or Prince Harry.
I'm like really talentless, okay? Please, sir. I really want this bad! #Currentmood: despo Ever since I saw your ad in the newspaper
I was like… Hold on…

You…Read the newspaper? Lol! You know I can't read! I can get trending memes,
current affairs of all celebs and latest updates of Taimur
on Instagram. – #Awareness.
– Then, what do you do with the newspaper? Obvio! I take a picture
of my coffee mug with it, then I look up some motivational quote
to go with it, and then I post it. #Morningcoffee #morningmotivation #morningmorning
*other irrelevant # just to get likes* Ok-ok. I understood, madam.

Look, it's almost lunch time
so I won't lie… You seem deserving of a blue tick… Sir, I even did a solo bike trip
from Cochin to Siachen. When I put up an instastory from the
mountain top, I just got one comment- "Dude, you got on top of the mountain,
but how will you get down now?" Look, it is a little tough for boys
to get Insta famous.

– It's not like you're Rock or Ronaldo.
– Sir, but Justin Beiber also… Sir is talking about boys… Boys! Sir, there must be some way?! – There is one way. Mr.

Sinha.
– Yes sir. Look, if trip didn't help you,
strip will. Post a beach or washroom selfie with some deep philosphical shit below.
You'll definitely be viral! Okay, sir.
Thank you, sir! Listen! Don't forget to shave! Madam, you're still here? No, sir was talking about me
being deserving or something. Was I? Look, we tend to make mistakes.
We're humans afterall.

Since, it's a government office,
papers work more than potential here. We'll need a BPL card of yours. Sir, but I'm not Below Poverty Line… I'm rich!
I'm like filthy rich! BPL! Means Best Photogenic Lads! You are already pretty, just add a few filters,
and get a passport sized picture.

That should make you photogenic. What do you say, sir? But, I'll have to do 'that' for it! Madam, compromises don't work here.
Sir told you, it's a government office, not Bollywood! No, no. I mean that thing
that helps poor people? – Government? No, that can't be it.
– Hard work! I'll have to work hard. Madam, this is a government office,
even hard work doesn't work here.

Then what does work here?! Look madam, no offence, but you look a bit smart.
So we'll be straightforward with you. Look, we'll give you your blue tick. But for that, you'll also have to
take care of us a little. Follow us back on Insta and give us a
shoutout in 2-3 of your insta stories.

Even we'll get more followers that way. Note down my insta handle.
It's @yourbaedubey. – Mr. Sinha.
– Yes sir.

Mine is John Sinha. You can't see me. I hardly have any
followers so you'll have to look for me. No problem.

Neha mam, tell us your insta handle.
We'll process your blue tick file. @Nehaha_heehee_hoohoo -Sir…
-What… Ms. Neha, what is this? What happened, sir?
Any problem? Any problem?
How do you spell Friends? F…R…N…

ZZZ… – Mr. Sinha.
– Yes sir. It's right, but at times even
FRNZZZ ('Z' in Indian accent) also works.

Yeah, but how will THIS work?! Not only did you write the complete word
but also the correct spelling! Sir, I don't know… I don't know
how it happened. I really don't know. – Damn you auto correct!
– Auto correct?! Mr.

Sinha, get her out! I don't know where the hell do these
bloody educated fools come here from? Go do a PhD in physics
or get a job at NASA! – Want to be an Influenza, huh?
– Come on, get out! Get out! Come on, out you go! Sir, I did just as you said. I made a boomerang of coming out of the sea, just like Daniel Craig from Casino Royale. And put a caption below-
'Water is life' #shutupandbounce. So, did it go viral or not? No, sir.

My followers body shamed me… Tsk-tsk. Can you get a sex reassignment surgery?.

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